Posted by: Mildred's eftedmonton Blog | May 30, 2013

Making Marriage Work Part 2: Avoid Criticism

The  book, “The Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work”, lists four  indicators that a marriage is in trouble, and these are called in the book, “the four horseman of the apocalypse”, or just “the four horsemen” for short. These four sign posts or horsemen are  criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Today, I will discuss the first of these, criticism.

The authors differentiate between complaint and criticism. Complaint, they say, addresses the action of the person that upsets you, while criticism says something global about the other person’s character or personality. Blame and character assassination are forms of criticism. If you have any questions about the difference between complaint and criticism, I highly recommend you read the book wherein numerous examples are described (p.28). In the meantime, here are some sentences that my clients with complaints about their spouses have found helpful.

  • Even though my spouse is completely different than I am and doesn’t do things the way I would do them, I accept myself.
  • Even though it really bugs me when my spouse does/does not _________________  , I accept myself. (Fill in the blank  as often as necessary.)
  • Even though I was initially attracted to my spouse because he or she was so different than I was, I accept myself.
  • Even though I wish my spouse would do things  or say things just the way I do, I accept myself.
  • Even though my spouse is very different than me, and I wish she or he would be just like me, I accept myself.
  • Even though I would be very bored being married to someone just like me, I accept myself.
  • Even though I am now trying to turn my spouse into another person just like me, I accept myself.
  • Even though I am easy to get along with but my spouse is difficult to understand, I accept myself.
  • Even though I will never be able to turn my spouse into another me and that would be boring anyway, I accept myself.
  • Even though some of the characteristics that of my spouse I was most attracted to at the beginning are those that I just can’t stand now, I accept myself.
  • Even though I have a tendency to turn my complaints about behavior into criticism that insinuates a character flaw, I accept myself and I choose to be more careful.
  • Even though I’ve married my exact opposite and now I want someone just like me, I accept myself anyway.
  • Even though I may have unresolved conflicts with one of my parents that I am working through using my spouse as a surrogate, I accept myself.
  • Even though my spouse is possibly just like /is not anything like my mom/my dad, I accept myself anyway.
  • Even though I may still have some issues with my same sex and/or opposite sex parent that I am trying to resolve with my spouse, I accept myself.

Do you have an issue you would like help with? I invite you to send me an issue you have with someone in your life, not necessarily your spouse. I will post some of the most interesting ones here and provide some tapping sentences to work on with EFT. Click on the EFT-in-a-nutshell link if you are unfamiliar with EFT.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: