Posted by: Mildred's eftedmonton Blog | May 18, 2013

“The Seven Principles for making Marriage Work” and EFT, Part 1

I recently came across a valuable research-based text on marriage by John H. Gottman, PH.D., and Nan Silver, “The Seven Principles for making Marriage Work”.  The book discusses 6 signs that a marriage will not work out. Today I’m going to talk about the first sign. a harsh argument start up.

If a partner becomes negative and accusatory, with criticism or sarcasm in the first 3 minutes of a 15-minute interaction, things will not go well.

If you are that person sabotaging your own marriage, here are some sentences to practice EFT on:

  • Even though I start my arguments aggressively, I accept myself.
  • Even though my spouse also starts arguments aggressively, I accept myself.
  • Even though I can be quite sarcastic to my spouse, I accept myself.
  • Even though my spouse can also be quite sarcastic to me, I accept myself.
  • Even though my sarcasm shows contempt for my partner, I accept myself.
  • Even though I may use a quiet voice to voice my contempt, I accept myself.
  • Even though I blame my spouse for any issue that comes up, I accept myself.
  • Even though criticism and blame are not useful tools when trying to resolve issues in my marriage,I accept myself.
  • Even though part of me needs to find a scapegoat for our problems and that will make me feel better, I  accept myself.
  • Even though I feel guilty for not having a perfect marriage I accept myself.
  • Even though  I need to blame someone in order to feel better about my troubled marriage, I accept myself.
  • Even though our problems are all my spouses fault, I accept myself.

According to the authors, if you start an interaction with a harsh beginning, you are dooming it to failure.  So learn to be gentle and non-accusatory in your interactions, especially at the beginning. These EFT phrases will help and also help you to feel calm if your spouse starts off aggressively.  Remember to starting tapping the side of the hand as you repeat  each sentence  three times,  and then tap the top of the head, between the eyes, side of the eyes, under the eyes, under the nose, under the mouth,  at the collar bone point,  and under the arms.

check out this link for the second part of this article: http://wp.me/pFoLU-aj


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